{"id":116722,"date":"2017-01-18T08:00:12","date_gmt":"2017-01-18T08:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/?p=116722"},"modified":"2017-01-17T02:46:10","modified_gmt":"2017-01-17T02:46:10","slug":"the-15-habits-of-incredibly-happy-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/?p=116722","title":{"rendered":"The 15 Habits of Incredibly Happy People"},"content":{"rendered":"

The 15 Habits of Incredibly Happy People<\/span><\/h1>\n
\n

While happiness is defined by the individual, I\u2019ve always felt it foolish to declare that nothing can be learned from observing the happiness of others.<\/p>\n

Examining how to be happy is benefitted from observing the patterns of others, and then taking only what you find useful. Inspiration is the goal, not rigid rules on being happy.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve gone over dozens of research papers\u00a0in the pursuit of learning more about the subject \u2014\u00a0happiness in work and life\u00a0is a topic to\u00a0take seriously, so I\u2019m always on the hunt for inspiration and insight.<\/p>\n

Below I\u2019ll cover a few of my favorite\u00a0studies.<\/p>\n

1. Think of Yourself Less<\/span><\/h2>\n

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thoughtful words from C.S. Lewis, but do they equate to real life happiness? Our self-esteem is a bit of a tricky topic, because currentresearch on self-esteem paints a very inconsistent picture: it seems that high self-esteem is certainly related to happiness, but it can produce other problems with the ego.<\/p>\n

For instance, a variety of research suggests that self-esteem that is bound to external success can be a fickle beast \u2014 certain students who tied their self-esteem to their grades experienced small boosts when they received an acceptance letter (grad school), but harsh drops in self-esteem when they were rejected.<\/p>\n

Indeed, similar findings were reported for those who base their self-esteem on career success and appearance. Conversely, those who do not tie their self-esteem as strongly to external motivators tend to have less of a \u201croller coaster\u201d of emotions to the things that happen to them, and are generally more happy as a result.<\/p>\n

Perhaps the most insidious danger of high self-esteem is that it can lead to a focus on the avoidance of failure over the quest for success, which can cause a mindset that \u201cprotects\u201d the self-esteem by self-handicapping so one isn\u2019t ever seen as a failure.<\/p>\n

(\u201cWell, it doesn\u2019t matter that I failed, because I wasn\u2019t even trying\u2026\u201d)<\/p>\n

Instead, find a happy middle ground by heeding the words of C.S. Lewis \u2014 don\u2019t think less of yourself as a person, but think of<\/em> yourself less, focusing more on betterment of yourself for the sake of those around you, rather than for your own ego.<\/p>\n

2. Be Busy, but Not Rushed<\/span><\/h2>\n

Easier said than done, right?<\/p>\n

Quite true, because although the research shows that feeling \u201crushed\u201d is a one-way street to stress and unhappiness, it also notes that less and less people can find that happy medium of being just<\/em> busy enough.<\/p>\n

It seems strange that being very productive would cause one to be happy, but studies suggest that balanced free time is key, as too much boredom can be burdensome \u2014 strive for a productive life at a comfortable pace.<\/p>\n

Often in finding this balance, you\u2019ll have to find out how to say \u201cno\u201d to things.<\/p>\n

Derek Sivers has a rule for things that you aren\u2019t obligated to do: it either needs to be a \u201cHell Yeah!\u201d or a simple \u201cNo.\u201d That is, if an opportunity comes across your plate (and the more you branch out, the more things will), you need to either be gung-ho about the idea, or you\u2019ll need to say \u2018no\u2019 to it.<\/p>\n

3. Have 5 Close Relationships<\/span><\/h2>\n

Relationships are perhaps the most important thing (without exaggeration) when it comes to overall life satisfaction, at least for most people.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not telling you as your new-age life coach, I\u2019m telling you because I\u2019ve seen\u00a0multiple\u00a0studies\u00a0that show having a close group of people in your life can keep you happy for life<\/em> (it can also help you live longer).<\/p>\n

The number is often debated, but remember that it\u2019s not about debating the minutiae, it\u2019s about the overall lesson. I chose 5 for this subheading because it seems to be a low-end average, as listed in books like\u00a0Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement<\/em>.<\/p>\n

National surveys find that\u00a0when someone claims to have 5 or more friends with whom they can discuss important problems, they are 60 percent more likely to say that they are \u2018very happy\u2019.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019ve yet to see any compelling evidence that more friends = happier, because after all, the\u00a0quality<\/em>\u00a0of the people in your life matters the most, just be sure to acknowledge that there are many friends to be made, and maintaining a small circle can go a long way in making you a happy person.<\/p>\n

4. Be Proactive About Your Relationships<\/span><\/h2>\n

This applies to all relationships, but especially with your significant other.\u00a0Plenty of\u00a0evidence\u00a0to suggest that many relationships (especially marriages) decline over time.<\/p>\n

So what can you do?<\/p>\n

I found some interesting\u00a0research\u00a0from Northwester University that recommends a \u201c21 minute\u201d evaluation (I\u2019ll forgive them since it\u2019s an academic study) to use on a relationship.<\/p>\n

While the study focused on marriages, one of the biggest takeaways for me can be applied more universally:<\/p>\n

How would a neutral third party view your relationship recently?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Oftentimes a relationship can go sour if you let it go on autopilot, and there are few things worse for happiness than losing a close companion.<\/p>\n

Here are a few\u00a0other findings\u00a0from the literature:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  • Regularly check-in with good friends (around\u00a02 weeks\u00a0for very close friends).<\/li>\n
  • Celebrate the good things in their life; let them know through\u00a0active and constructive\u00a0listening (ie, not just saying \u201cthat\u2019s great to hear!\u201d).<\/li>\n
  • Don\u2019t be a conversational narcissist. Studies show people love hearing themselves talk and talking about themselves, so let them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Taking care of yourself is apart of taking care of others. In this way, your mutual dedication to improving yourself benefits both of you.<\/p>\n

    As Jim Rohn would say:<\/p>\n

    The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, \u2018If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.\u2019 Now I say, \u2018I will take care of me for<\/em> you, if you will take care of you for me.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    5. Move Beyond the Small Talk<\/span><\/h2>\n

    Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events;\u00a0small minds discuss people.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Eleanor Roosevelt\u2019s quote has certainly made it\u2019s rounds on many a Facebook feed, but is there any truth to it?<\/p>\n

    According to one\u00a0study, small talk, instead of predicting your intelligence, may instead actually\u00a0hinder<\/em>\u00a0your happiness.<\/p>\n

    To be fair, the researchers note that small talk is obviously important for smoothing into social conversations, especially with new acquaintances (\u201cNice to meet you, what\u2019s your opinion on abortion?\u201d).<\/p>\n

    In the long term, however, a happier life eschews trivial chatter in favor of longer, more thoughtful conversations. In general, talking with others is a good thing for our happiness, but when the conversation is always superficial, it begins to take a toll:<\/p>\n

    \u2026the extent of small talk was negatively associated with happiness\u2026 [and] the extent of substantive talk was positively associated with happiness. So, happy people are socially engaged with others, and this engagement entails matters of substance.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Deep conversations are often those we reserve for close friends and family, which again explains why close relationships are so important for our happiness.<\/p>\n

    6. Treat Yourself (the Small Pleasures Matter)<\/span><\/h2>\n

    Jokes aside about treating yo\u2019 self, surprisingly, the research has shown that you need to have small wins along the way in order to be truly happy \u2014 across many different domains, happiness is more strongly associated with the frequency than the intensity of people\u2019s positive effective experiences.<\/p>\n

    This is confirmed by many studies dealing with SWLS (Satisfied With Life Scale), which shows that regular small pleasures had a bigger impact on happiness than fewer larger ones. Perhaps this is why it\u2019s often so difficult to put off what we want now for what we want later, so beware of the trap here: tough accomplishments that have to be earned oftentimes result in a happier day-to-day (working hard to get a promotion, start a successful business, win an award, get in shape, etc.)<\/p>\n

    In what is one of the funniest excerpts I\u2019ve ever stumbled on in a psychology book,\u00a0Stumbling on Happiness<\/em> shares this excerpt from astudy that shows why the happiest people often only had 1 sexual partner in the past 12 months:<\/p>\n

    Why would people who have one partner be happier than people who have many? One reason is that multiple partners are occasionally thrilling, but regular partners are regularly enjoyable. A bi-weekly ride on a merry-go-round may be better than an annual ride on a roller coaster.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Clearly\u00a0a little treat and consistency now and then can go a long way for your happiness while you make plans for your big goals.<\/p>\n

    7. Plan Fun, and Spend Money on Experiences<\/span><\/h2>\n

    While spontaneous fun is always a good thing, a variety of interesting\u00a0research\u00a0has shown that it\u2019s the\u00a0planning<\/em>\u00a0of future activities that often adds to the fun.<\/p>\n

    While the study above specifically looked at vacations (which may not occur often), additional research covered in\u00a0Stumbling on Happiness<\/em>\u00a0shows that specifically planning a nice dinner can have the same effect. In fact, Gilbert (the author) notes how most participants would actively schedule their free dinner (which they won in the study) a week in advance, instead of the next night:<\/p>\n

    Why the self-imposed delay? Because by waiting a week, these people not only got to spend several hours slurping oysters and sipping Ch\u00e2teau Cheval Blanc \u201947, but they also got to look forward to all that slurping and sipping for a full seven days beforehand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Not only that, but these \u201cexperiential purchases\u201d tend to make us happier, at least according to the\u00a0research. In fact, a variety of\u00a0research\u00a0shows that most people are far more happy when buying experiences vs. buying material goods.<\/p>\n

    You\u2019ve likely heard this before, but why is this the case?\u00a0According to the\u00a0literature\u00a0I\u2019ve read, experiences trump material purchases (in general) for the 5 following reasons:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Experiences improve over time:<\/strong>\u00a0a great experience tends to age like a fine wine. While researchers have noted that physical items can get old quickly (\u201cUgh, my phone is 2 months out of date!\u201d), experiences can be relieved and shared for years.<\/li>\n
    2. People revisit experiences more often:<\/strong>\u00a0going hand-in-hand with the above point,\u00a0research\u00a0shows that experiences tend to get recalled more often. You probably don\u2019t reminisce about that first surfboard you bought, but it\u2019s likely that you fondly remember your first surfing lesson.<\/li>\n
    3. Experiences are more unique:<\/strong>\u00a0say what you want, but people love comparing themselves, and they prefer to stand out if they\u2019re able. Since purchases are often so common, researchers note that we are more likely to compare what we buy with others (which can result in buyer\u2019s remorse). But experiences always have a bit of a unique twist to them, so we are far less likely to make comparisons, and simply enjoy them as they are, relishing in their unique nature.<\/li>\n
    4. We adapt slowly to experiences:<\/strong>\u00a0consumer\u00a0research\u00a0shows that another reason why experiences seem so awesome to us is that it takes our brain longer to get used to them. Have you ever felt really energized coming back from a great show\/dinner\/vacation? It\u2019s less likely that a purchased item kept you excited for that long, and it\u2019s because we are better able to adjust to material purchases.<\/li>\n
    5. Experiences are social:<\/strong>\u00a0human beings are\u00a0social animals, that\u2019s a fact. Did you know that\u00a0true<\/em>\u00a0solitary confinement is often classified as \u201ccruel and usual\u201d punishment due to the\u00a0detrimental effects\u00a0it can have on the mind? Experiences get us out of our house (an\u00a0epidemic\u00a0in some countries) and sometimes out of our comfort zone, which is a fantastic way to kill habituation.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      8. Keep Your Eye on the Prize<\/span><\/h2>\n

      You\u2019ve likely heard of the marshmallow experiment, but a quick summary is that researchers found those children who were able to resist the temptation of eating a marshmallow immediately (vs. waiting for the researchers to come back) did notably better in some major areas of life, leaving some to conclude that delayed gratification is a solid predictor of future success.<\/p>\n

      The research has shown that there certainly seems to be\u00a0some<\/em> sort of connection between delayed gratification and overall life satisfaction. People with self-control seem to be happier with life.\u00a0Since delayed gratification has consistently been shown to be dependent on the \u201cstrategic allocation of attention,\u201d it seems apparent to me that discipline in this regard is really dependent on creating systems to avoid the use of willpower.<\/p>\n

      Walter Mischel, leader researcher for the Stanford marshmallow experiment, had this to say about how people get discipline and willpower all wrong:<\/p>\n

      The kids who couldn\u2019t delay would often have the rules backwards. They would think that the best way to resist the marshmallow is to stare right at it, to keep a close eye on the goal. But that\u2019s a terrible idea. If you do that, you\u2019re going to ring the bell before I leave the room.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      You should also know that the patient children did the opposite: instead of obsessing over the marshmallow, they distracted themselves by covering their eyes, pretending to play hide-and-seek underneath the desk, or singing songs from \u201cSesame Street.\u201d Their desire never seemingly left them, it was simply ignored and forgotten.<\/p>\n

      If you\u2019re thinking about the marshmallow and how delicious it is, then you\u2019re going to eat it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      If you recall my article on building good habits, you\u2019ll find the research lines up quite nicely with this \u2014 the best way to make sure you stick to the straight and narrow path that you desire is to set up barriers to prevent you from going astray \u2014 akin to guard rails on a bowling lane.<\/p>\n

      Just like the kids in the experiment, you can get yourself a better payoff and live a more fulfilling life if you can avoid compulsive distractions, but you need to remember that the secret is in making them easy to avoid, not in powering through with willpower.<\/p>\n

      This means hiding the snacks out in a shelf in the garage, instead of in the kitchen cabinet you frequent most.<\/p>\n

      9. Show Some Appreciation<\/span><\/h2>\n

      Psychology doesn\u2019t always tell us what we want to hear, so it\u2019s nice when a good deed lines up with a great personal benefit.<\/p>\n

      I was happy to find this\u00a0study\u00a0that showcased how showing gratitude for someone (or even for what you have) boosted happiness by a noticeable level. The researchers say 25%, but again, we\u2019re debating minutiae, the important thing is that it worked.<\/p>\n

      How can this realistically be applied though?<\/p>\n

      Another\u00a0study\u00a0found that writing thank-you notes (or just a nice letter) was an effective method of increasing happiness and life satisfaction. There are a lot of fringe benefits to this as well \u2014 people rarely get handwritten notes much anymore, so they stand out over a \u201cthnx\u201d via text.<\/p>\n

      Handwritten letters are also a great way to start the process of reciprocity. Though you should be sending them out of sincere appreciation for someone, remember that true networking (not the slimy business card kind) is about helping and letting people know that they matter to you.<\/p>\n

      10. Observe Happiness in\u00a0Others<\/span><\/h2>\n

      This one was really interesting.<\/p>\n

      Most of us like to think we are unique snowflakes, but sometimes things are popular for a reason. In fact, research suggests that the best way to predict how much we will enjoy an experience is to see how much someone else enjoyed it.<\/p>\n

      In one\u00a0study, researchers found that women were able to reduce the inaccuracy of predicting how much fun they\u2019d have on a speed date by reading a rating left by a previous women. In other words, learning about someone else\u2019s experience is a far better way for us to internally evaluate if we will enjoy it as well.<\/p>\n

      11. Change Your Perspective<\/span><\/h2>\n

      In one\u00a0study\u00a0researchers found that the simple act of listing 3 good things that happened that day (no matter how small) increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms.<\/p>\n

      Furthermore, putting yourself in someone else\u2019s shoes (and\u00a0avoiding a pessimistic outlook) really can<\/em> make you feel better about your situation. Perhaps most interestingly, a change in view can have a really big impact on your overall happiness.<\/p>\n

      It\u2019s known that\u00a0\u201cthe bad stuff\u201d\u00a0often outweighs the good in our minds, so psychologists like\u00a0Timothy Wilson\u00a0have suggested how perspective changes can help us out when times get rough:<\/p>\n

      \u2026we prompted students to reinterpret their academic problems from a belief that they couldn\u2019t cut it in college to the view that they simply needed to learn the ropes. The students who got this prompt \u2014 compared to a control group that didn\u2019t \u2014 got better grades the next year and were less likely to drop out.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      So the next time you hear advice that you should believe in yourself and appreciate what you have, know that it\u2019s not as superficial as it might seem.<\/p>\n

      12. Pick a Skill; Master It<\/span><\/h2>\n

      Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      As it turns out, regularly engaging in your\u00a0signature strengths<\/em> (is that not the most stereotypical positive psychology term ever?) is a great way to feel better about yourself.<\/p>\n

      The long and short of it is that you should find something to excel in, and do it as often as you can.<\/p>\n

      I know, this is one of the more generic ones on this list, but I hope it serves as some food for thought for renaissance men and women \u2014 you can certainly still dabble in lots of things, but giving a single skill\/task\/achievement enough time for mastery may allow for an exceptional experience in itself.<\/p>\n

      You should also know the research has suggested that mastering a skill may be just as stressful as you might think. Researchers found that although\u00a0the process of becoming proficient at something took it\u2019s toll on people in the form of stress,\u00a0participants reported that these same activities made them feel happy and satisfied when they looked back on their day as a whole.<\/p>\n

      13. Aim High<\/span><\/h2>\n

      Recently, I ran across an interesting bit of information from the book\u00a0Engineering Happiness<\/em>:<\/p>\n

      In his studies, the psychologist Jonathan Freedman claimed that\u00a0people with the ability to set objectives for themselves \u2014 both short-term and long-term \u2014 are happier.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      I\u2019ve read additional research (here and here) that seems to back up this finding: goals really do seem to add a sense of meaning, direction, and focus to life that can easily become absent if we don\u2019t have anything we are currently striving for (\u201cLife is a journey, not a destination,\u201d so to speak).<\/p>\n

      Research by psychologist Richard Davidson would also suggest that making progress on a concrete goal doesn\u2019t just activate positive feelings, but can also stave off negative emotions, including fear and (non-clinical) depression.<\/p>\n

      According to another study, researchers found that setting ambitious goals tends to make people happier. You shouldn\u2019t go too overboard (trillionaire status, let\u2019s do this), but know that big goals are often an important element of getting people moving in the first place.<\/p>\n

      14. Exercise<\/span><\/h2>\n

      No verbose headline for this one because there is no getting around it. I don\u2019t care how much you hate exercise, there are so many benefits for it (both physically and psychologically) that you should be doing it regularly in some form.<\/p>\n

      To add to the pile, research has also found that exercise is a\u00a0proven strategy for\u00a0feeling better, increasing your energy levels, and reducing tension. And to prove that you should get started\u00a0today if you currently don\u2019t exercise, one study showcased how self-image improved (even when body shape didn\u2019t change) for participants just by exercising.<\/p>\n

      Yes, starting to exercise may suck at first, but even taking the first step with a 7-minute exercise may be enough \u2014 research suggests that a high-intensity session for just 7 minutes can offer a slew of health benefits.<\/p>\n

      Not only that, those who are just getting started often see the biggest boost in happiness:<\/p>\n

      The release of endorphins has an addictive effect, and more exercise is needed to achieve the same level of euphoria over time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      For the rest of us? Switching up routines and making exercise one of our regular habits is the key to lasting happiness. Also, dead lifts, many many dead lifts.<\/p>\n

      15. Don\u2019t Let Time Slip Away<\/span><\/h2>\n

      This one is a bit less scientific, but I\u2019d rate it as one of the most important on this list (the most important one is maintaining strong relationships, bar none).<\/p>\n

      If you\u2019ve seen the notorious study on the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, you\u2019ll recall that the number one regret was\u00a0not being true to one\u2019s own dreams:<\/p>\n

      This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      Perhaps the biggest wake-up call here is that these people didn\u2019t mean for this to happen\u2014one day blended into the next, and \u201csomeday\u201d passed by, and a call to follow a specific dream went unanswered.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      The 15 Habits of Incredibly Happy People While happiness is defined by the individual, I\u2019ve always felt it foolish to declare that nothing can be learned from observing the happiness of others. Examining how to be happy is benefitted from observing the patterns of others, and then taking only what you find useful. Inspiration is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":116723,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":[],"categories":[8186],"tags":[8200],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116722"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=116722"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116722\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":116724,"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116722\/revisions\/116724"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/116723"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=116722"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=116722"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ssprojects.biz\/newsBlog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=116722"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}